How?
by Nadine8799
Summary: Sasaki Haise felt like he knew this one particular girl even before they met. Kirishima Touka. Kaneki Ken, deep, deep inside Sasaki, felt like crazy when he knew he won't ever surface to actually feel the warmth of the girl he had fallen for. Sasaki wanted to know the truth, Touka will give it.


**How?**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND MOCHI! As always, I promise you a fanfic. I know you like tragedy and sad stuff but I don't know if you actually like this ship? (GOMENASAI!) Well, nonetheless~ May God bless you and may we all meet again one day~ and yeah, I didn't publish this on your exact birthday I published this 2 hours earlier. By the way, the ones that inpires this story are tumblr users, I borrowed their quotes or the quotes that they took from other quotes.

* * *

_Can you hear the silence? _Touka woke up. She heard that sound and it was just in the middle of the night. Where is she hearing this from? Touka brushes her long bangs and looked around to find if anything were suspicious. Finding none, she was going back to sleep.

_Can you see the dark? _This time, she's sure it's something she must hear. Touka woke from her bed and took a jacket so that the cold won't catch her. She eyed her room again, trying to find where the sound came from. Seeing in the dark is useless, so is hearing in the silence. But, the voices sounds so familiar, it's tingling inside her. She wanted to hear it once more and she wanted to see whose voice it was.

_Can you fix the broken? _Then Touka found it. Right outside the window. A man, white hair with black hair on the upper side. His right eye black and red pupil at the same time. Under the moonlight above the rooftop, a sad look in his eyes. As if he did something he didn't want. Touka slowly walked to her window, not to attract the half ghoul, but to look at what he's looking at all.

_Can you feel my heart? _On an alley, his subordinates were interrogating the ghouls, then killing them. Touka closed her eyes from the sight and walked back. That was the last sound she heard for the night. What does it mean? Touka wonders. She wanted to go out and talk to Sasaki Haise so that he'll go back being Kaneki Ken. She's glad that he's alive, but really, it's hurting her to feel like he's burden.

* * *

The next day, Touka was still bothered about the scene she saw last night. It wasn't affecting her work much, but it does affect Yomo a bit. Since he's more sensitive now to Touka, being he's pretending to be her older brother to make a fake identity in :re coffee shop. Touka sighed for the least time of the day as she looked out of the window to find a new refreshing scenery. Just to find the man she saw last night, with a few of his friends, laughing merrily as they looked around.

"Onii-chan... that's Kaneki..." Touka whispered silently to herself but she knew Yomo heard it. How she wish he would drop by, and her wish came true. Kaneki was walking toward the shop and Touka ran back to the 'employee room' trying hard keep her heart beating hidden.

"This fragrance... this shop will surely have some good coffee. My nose kagune is whispering that to me" and a few of his friends comment. Touka's heart was beating faster. When was the last time she heard his voice? Is this how much she misses him? So much that she almost can't hear anyone else's voices? Touka braced up and went out of the employee room.

"Hey! How many times do I have to tell you... to greet our customer..." Touka said giving a small smile as she walked toward Sasaki. Touka wanted to laugh out loud really. Sasaki looked surprised as if he saw a ghost. But Touka knew that it means, he doesn't remember her. It's like they're back again to square one. Touka tried keeping her waitress face up, "Please, have a seat here"

"Ah, yes. Three coffees please" Sasaki said. Yes, it's confirmed, Touka missed him so much. To the point she just want to hug him and cry out loud. But she had to hold it in for now. Touka made the coffee, pouring all her heart to it. Wanting the taste to be the taste of the usual coffee she gave him in the past with the rabbit display he said he liked to see her make. Touka served it and Sasaki and his friends tried it. Praises are usual, but Touka is focused on Sasaki.

"Yeah, it's tasty..." Sasaki felt the familiar coffee. Like he used to taste it before maybe everyday before. His body remembered it but he can't recall it. "No, it's strange. I wonder what this is..."

Touka gave a handkerchief, not wanting to see anymore tears. Sasaki looked at the handekerchief dumbfounded, when he realised he was crying tears, Sasaki saw the offer and accepted it. "I'm sorry... it's delicious, it really is"

Sasaki look up to the waitress he doesn't know. She gave a smile. A smile that looked a little and a bit sad. Sasaki thought, 'I had such a beautiful person in my life before'. Touka gave a small at the compliment, "Thank you very much"

Pretty much, it all occurred. Touka kept serving a few more customers that also came by. Sasaki's friends or underlings, left him in the cafe because he wanted to stay. Not long after, it was already closing time. Touka put a cup of take-out coffee and a pack of cookie chips. "It's on the house. It's closing time dear customer"

"Can I come here back again?" Sasaki asked. Touka was keeping a smiling face on the outside. But she wonders why he need to ask that. Customers don't usually ask those stuff, they just come back. Sasaki look up, straight to Touka's eyes, as if searching for a reason of a question. Then as if nothing happened, he smiled at her. "I just can't seem to leave you alone. Can I?"

Unable to say anything, Touka nodded.

So the next saturday, then the next saturday and the next saturday. Sasaki always came at Saturday around seven in the evening. Took a book from the bookshelf at the cafe, ordered Touka's coffee and a few chocolate chips and he'll be there till it's closing time.

"Hey Yomo. How's Touka?" Ayato asked, startling Yomo a little bit. Since he come there some few times without notice to check on his dear older sister. Ayato was starting to get back together with Touka but it's not to the point of living together as a family again yet and it was only because of Hinami wanting him to get close with Touka again. Yomo looked at Touka who were on her way to Sasaki's table with a cup of coffee with her.

"Oh, believe me. Touka's... She's beauty. She's grace" Yomo praises the girl silently. Touka served the coffee to Sasaki and stared at him a little while he took a sip, hoping she would the get the praises she always get from him. Yomo then continued, "But I have a feeling she's gonna punch Haise in the face"

"Ow! That hurts!"

"I'm sorry! I can't seem to hold myself from hitting you!" Touka apologises after she had hit Sasaki on his head with her hands. Twice. Sasaki found it weird, he was smiling somehow. As if it felt nostalgic. As if it was something he usually received everyday and he would never complain. He's crying and smiling at the same time and it was a bit creepy in his own opinion.

'Hey! Remember! Please. She gave us a smile that looked a little and a bit sad. I had such a beautiful person in my life before. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!? You have one! It's her. Remember her! WAKE UP AND REMEMBER HER!' a faint sound shouted inside Sasaki's head. As if he was shouting something so important. As if the voice's dying of loneliness. Like he's hurt for a long time. Sasaki wonders if it's because of him. If so, just really who is he's hurting? When Sasaki knew it a handkerchief was brushing across his face, washing the tears away. Sasaki look up to find Touka brushing the tears off. A smile, a sad one, painted her face.

"I'm sorry" she said softly and guilty, giving a small smile when she knew he's not injured, "Did I hurt you?"

Looking from afar was Yomo and Ayato. Both struck that for the first time, officially, Touka had hit a customer. Real hard. But it was also about how much Ayato had admired his older sister who had grown up so much to hide tears from her eyes. Ayato looked away from the scene and left Yomo and :re to go back to Hinami's side. On the other side, Touka was finishing up and was about to go grocery shopping a bit. So she went outside where she found Sasaki about to leave.

"...Sasaki-san?"

"Oh! Touka-chan good evening"

"Good evening" Touka greeted back his smile and walked in front of him. "What are you doing this late Sasaki-san?"

"Hm? Oh I'm just heading home. You?"

"I've gotta do some grocery shopping-" and a thunder strikes. Not long after it started raining. Eventually Touka and Sasaki was relief that they arrived to the shop faster. So they went of buying an umbrella along. Sasaki was actually going the other way but e offered himself to walk Touka back home safely, mentioning that a dangerous ghoul is still lurking around the area. Not wanting to known by Sasaki yet, Touka want along with him. Plus it means more alone time for them.

And so it was the usual. Walking under the rain, two umbrellas side by side, small conversations in between. Although it was raining there's many people running around trying to get shelter from the rain. Then it was a lonely street. Not much car passing by and only a few people running around. Till Sasaki saw a little kid running towards the other side of the street carelessly. It was safe at first, then a car started going full speed ahead and was about to hit the little kid. Sasaki let go of the grocery he helped Touka with and the umbrella he was holding. Sasaki ran toward the little kid and pushed her aside just in time before she got hit. But it was a bit too late for him. Sasaki closed his eyes, awaiting the pain to hit him. To find Touka pushing him with herself aside.

A girl who almost got run over by a car, who had saved him. Who's covered by a few bruises on her legs. She's smiling at him innocently as if she's sure he'll be okay. As if she could leave him and everything will be just fine. As if she knew what he was about to do or say and she'll back him up. Sasaki felt her warm hands at his cheeks when Touka put a handkerchief to brush of a few sweat. When Sasaki realised it, tears run down his cheeks.

"Is something... wrong?" Touka asked. Usually Sasaki would think he's a burden to everyone, even himself. But the tone this one year younger girl used, made him feel as if he done nothing wrong. Raindrops started falling. When Sasaki knew it, Touka was already holding his hand and running toward the :re coffee shop. Leaving behind the little girl who's crying in her mother lap.

"Nii-chan! Can you bring some towels for us?" Sasaki sat down on one of the seats. There wasn't much customers, only a few old couples who's probably also waiting for the rain to stop. Yomo came, expressionless, he gave a towel for Sasaki and put one on Touka's hair and started helping her dry her hair.

'He must be a very caring brother' was what Sasaki thought. Though he can't help but feel a bit of jealousy in his tone. 'Jealousy? Sasaki what's gotten into you?'

But when Sasaki saw Touka disappearing inside employee room, his feet moves itself and followed her. Locking her inside the room with him. Sasaki tried to breath and think straight again. But nothing can come out straight if it's about this one girl. He said to himself that it's okay even if he doesn't get his previous memories back. But if, if Touka was in his previous life... would he want to have his memories back?

'Of course you do. Didn't you say you want to go back to Anteiku?'

"Is there anything you need Sasaki-san?" Touka asked. Sasaki snapped. Oh yeah... they were inside the employee room. No one would hear or see them here. Sasaki didn't take a step closer or make any awkward situation. He kept his position.

"Can I ask you something Touka-chan?" Not hesitating at all, Touka nodded. Sasaki look up to her eyes, straightforward and innocent but hurt pair of eyes. Sasaki grumbled under his breath, "How could you ask for more with an innocent smile trusting me to stay? How could you close the door and leave me here supposing I'm ok? How could you breakdown my disguise and uncover my fears? How could you look into my eyes ignoring my tears?"

Touka didn't know how to answer. The employee room was cold. Yomo is outside, not hearing a thing. She need to do her homework and to work. Yet her mind is filled with the question Sasaki gave. She hates literature, that's for sure. But she can understand what he said just fine. Touka thought about it and found an answer. She walked up, closer to Sasaki. Bringing her face close to his ears, but not touching him the slightest bit. Touka said in a sure voice, "It's because I love you"

and she left the room as if nothing happened.

* * *

It was simple. The next morning Sasaki and his team was called for an emergency case of Rabbit appearing in :re coffee shop. It was just a simple fight with Sasaki noticing that it felt like he had done or at least fight this ghoul before. He can see through a few opening which is a nearly impossible for his team mates.

Then the mask dropped.

The white rabbit mask dropped. Revealing a crying Touka. No one was inside the room that time so only Sasaki knew of this and he stopped fighting. He kept back. Ever since the rabbit's mask was off and it revealed Touka, Sasaki was hesitating. All he can think about was the night before where Touka confessed to him. Sasaki put his quinqe down and muttered a complicated question to a whimpering Touka, "Who I used to be. Who I am now. Who I will be. Will you still love me?"

Touka was frozen.

Sasaki cried. Tears overflowing. Inside him, Kaneki the human him and Shironeki the ghoul him was also fighting to keep back their tears. The pieces of memories started going back to him and Sasaki remembered everything. He don't want to hurt anyone anymore. He regretted all of it, everything. He regret ever leaving her that night. He regret ever hurting her. He regret ever making her worry. He regret ever mistreated her. He regret ever making her cry. If he had stayed next to her and not leave that time... will it still end up like this?

'Ah... it's too late. No one would ever love me again'

That's when Touka saved him once more, like she used to before. Her small hand, compared to his, caressed his cheeks and pulled his face closer to her. Making their foreheads touch and Sasaki's eyes straightforwardly to Touka's eyes. "Kaneki, Shironeki or Sasaki. Whoever is listening to me right now. Who you used to be, who you are now, who you will be, please know... I'll still love you"

"Touka-chan?" Sasaki stopped crying. Inside him, he heard his other two self trying, shouting to apologise of what they did to her. Touka's badly hurt and unlike him, she doesn't recover fast. After a few seconds of feeling her warmth, Touka fell to the floor. Writhing in pain that Sasaki caused earlier.

"You're not a monster, you saved lives"

"Touka-chan, don't talk! You're still hurt" Sasaki said, his hand shivering. Wanting to touch her and help her yet afraid if he would do another mistake and hurt her instead. Touka saw this and a painful smile painted her face again, making Sasaki troubled.

"Sasaki" Touka reached for his shivering hands "I'm rabbit. I kill people to stay alive and you're a CCG ghoul investigator. Do your job properly now. Kill me"

'No. No. No. No. No' really what can satisfy him? It feels like everything he got is taken for granted yet every choices he made are wrong. Sasaki gripped Touka's hand gently wanting her to know he won't let go of her. Touka noticed it. "I can't do it"

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!?" Touka shouted as she cried. She had burdened him enough are her thoughts. With tears in her eyes Touka begged, "Please Sasaki. Please. Kill me before they think of you as a traitor. Please"

Instead of doing as what Touka said, Sasaki picked her up gently. Like that one night when he saved her from Ayato. Gently like she's the most fragile thing in the world. He took her rabbit mask and covered her crying face while Touka in his arms kept crying, "Why? Please stop... before I regret anymore"

"Touka-chan. I can hear them you know. Kaneki, the human me and who you call Shironeki, the ghoul me. I'm half human and half ghoul. I'm them both. You managed to love me till now. I don't want to lose someone as precious as you. I love you and only you. So if you disappear or die, I think I'll go crazy" Sasaki smiled as he went to another room to find Yomo and left her with Yomo. Yomo on the other hand, have a bad feeling about that. Touka gripped Yomo's hand and Yomo knew what she wanted. So he gave it to her, meat. Almost too fast, Touka was already running through the halls, catching up to Kaneki.

When she does, he was surrounded by CCG investigators. At least smart enough to put on his eyepatch mask. Touka sighed and put her rabbit mask on. Then landed next to Sasaki. The first thing she did was fought with him, protecting his back. But not killing any. Touka noticed the confused expression on Sasaki's face.

"I'm not your princess. Don't treat me like I'm gonna break with a single touch" Touka said, literally pissed off. Sasaki stopped fighting and it stopped the CCG attacks. As if the clock was still moving but the center of the attention suddenly stopped everything. He walked up to the girl he fell in love with and caressed her cheeks and gave a light kiss on her lips... in the middle of CCG ghoul investigators... in the middle of fighting.

Sasaki pulled back and watched the blushing red girl in his arms, smirking as he does so. He leant closer to Touka's ears and tried to whisper but the room was so silent that everyone inside heard Sasaki saying, "Of course. I'm sorry. You're my Queen, right?"

"IDIOT KANEKI!" Touka raged as Sasaki played his way out of the room playfully with a blushing red Touka following behind, missing every shot she made. The CCG was left behind, thinking about the conversation they just heard. Thinking how is it possible for ghouls to actually have feelings like human since all they ever thought about was to eat.

Because of that small conversation, CCG lost track of the two ghoul. Yomo got away safely too. CCG, not knowing anything let half a year pass without really trying to search in for the eyepatch, rabbit and the traitor of CCG. The ghoul cases was decreasing and a few people who saw the weird scene of eyepatch and rabbit started convincing other people that some ghoul may be nice. Though it's not really working.

* * *

Ayato took a loud sighed. He was about to knock on the door but it opened first. Revealing a girl with black hair and a boy with dark blue hair, almost like him. The girl have her hair long and it hid her left eye, her eyes black. The boy have a short hair and cold attitude. Ayato bend down to the small kids and patted their heads. The girl was first to react, "Mom! Dad! Uncle Ayato is here"

And so Kaneki Touka walked out. Her long hair tied to the back but her bangs which covered her left eye are left untied. She was holding a cup of coffee. When their eyes met, Touka gave a smile at her brother. Ayato was finally convinced to live in peace after all. Though, one thing changes with him. Kaneki Ken walked behind Touka and hugged her hips, pulling her closer to him as he gave a small kiss on her hair. Ayato went pissed, "Hey Ken. I get that now you're my older brother and is Touka's husband but can't you refrain touching her in front of me?"

"Why? I want to show you that I always cherish her-"

"Or you want me to get jealous that you have someone that loves you"

"But we love you uncle Ayato" the girl and the boy came pouting at him. Holding his jeans, wanting Ayato to notice them to.

"Come on Ayato. You don't want your nephew to be lonely right? What kind of uncle is that?" Kaneki smiled, teasing Ayato a bit. Yeah, it was all worth it. After they escaped the CCG, Touka and Sasaki lay low for a while. Sasaki knew he need a new identity. Yet he go back being Kaneki Ken. Kaneki and Touka had to start from the beginning again. Yomo and a few other people helped them. They build a new coffee shop and started earning money happily. They kept taking their 'food' from Anteiku. Hinami worked part time and is practically living with them and in a relationship with Ayato. They managed to get Ayato back to Touka's side. But what Kaneki liked the most was, he managed to marry the girl he loves and have a family with her.

He wishes nothing more for now.

"So... Um... Mom. Uncle Ayato told us that-..."

"UNCLE AYATO told us that Mom and Dad's first kiss was in the middle of a fight? Surrounded by CCG ghoul investigators"

"Eh-?"

"Oh, that's right"

"You guys didn't need to get my name involved... oh no..."

"IDIOT AYATO!"


End file.
